Is Fuckboyism Black?

Do You Believe that Fuckboy Behavior is Biological?

 

The class erupted. I was expecting the female students to be excited to explore the completely unsupportable nature of claims about inherent sex-based traits. So much of what we learn about “men” and “women” is rooted in the all-too-common propensity of mostly male scientist to attempt to explain gender inequity by crying “biology.” But to my surprise, the male students were just as enthused. Turns out many of them were familiar with fuckboys, and they were tired of all men getting lumped in with that lot. They were looking to set the record straight.

After chatting in their small groups, we entered the full class discussion. First, I asked, “what is a fuckboy?” The general consensus was that a fuckboy was a male who would lie, cheat, and manipulate a potential sexual partner in order to get what he wanted (sex, financial support, sympathy…). 

But things got real interesting when I asked them: “Which celebrities are fuckboys?” I took my place at the chalkboard in front of the class, ready to document their findings.

“Tristan Thompson!” One student yelled. On the board he went.

“Chris Brown!” Came the voice of another.

“Drake!” The class was pretty much universally agreed on him.

“Offset!” With this, I started to notice a disturbing trend.

 

“Whoa, y’all.” I interjected. “Let’s not just do Black guys. There must be some non-Black celebrity fuckboys.”

“Justin Bieber!” This one damn near got a round of applause. The whole class was buzzin’. 

But, after Justin, the names thrown out became more contentious. There seemed to be wide agreement about the Black men, and especially the rappers. But it was more difficult to apply the label to white, Asian, Latine, and other non-Black dudes. 

This got me to thinking: Why do we think of fuckboyism as racialized? And is it?

 

* * *

 

If you’re around Millennial age or younger, you’re all too familiar with fuckboyism, as a concept and a practice. It’s one of those terms that has become synonymous with (usually male) sexually-malignant behavior. But because people toss it around so readily, it seems to defy precise definition.

In reality, “fuckboy” is the latest word in a long line of terms used to describe men failing to live up to the Lancelot ideal I described in an earlier post, that of being courageous, valiant, honorable, honest, strong, self-less and putting a Lady’s needs above his own. It borrows from earlier words used to signal contemptuous sexual behavior, in that the (mostly) male persons hit with this label are frequently also described as players, commitment-phobes, and skinflints. 

In my research into the fuckboy, the focus on the wallet (like cheapskates and pimps), or the penis (like players), falls behind the narcissistic concern of getting what they want from a woman sexually—and critically emotionally—usually through manipulation. The women this is done to are often the kinds they find acceptable enough to go around with, all the while withholding their love as they await the woman of their dreams—commonly a Guinevere type.

This behavior in and of itself doesn’t appear to be racialized. For men across race, including Black men, the desperate search for a woman of fair skin, long straight hair, light eyes, and even a relatively slim figure (although precisely how slim may vary by ethnicity) reigns. But that of course does not stop them from trying to slide between the thighs of a woman they find acceptable and willing. In this way, the behavior of a fuckboy is not racialized. But, how the word was introduced into our modern lexicon, it turns out, was. 

Most people credit rapper Cam’ron with introducing it into the American vocabulary with his 2002 song, “Boy Boy”, where he raps, 

 

Yo, where you from dog? (Harlem, boy, boy)…
Oh this cat overfrontin'? (Fuck boy, boy)

 

The “overfrontin’” is a funny term that suggests frontin’ might be okay, but taking it to an obviously fake level makes you pathetic and a loser. When the internet—and women dating these types of fakers—got hold of the term fuckboy, it evolved to mean being an emotional vampire who keeps women in “situationships” (a fraudulent relationship that is sexual, but devoid of deep and reciprocal care). But is one rap song enough to make us think the fuckboys, or fuccbois if you like, are somehow mostly Black men? 

No, of course not. But maybe the collectivity of popular rappers is. I explained previously that commercial rap is the world’s first anti-romantic musical genre. And, it is, of course, mostly produced by Black men. 

What are the messages of these songs? Procure a woman, use them, and walk away. Here’s Snoop from “Gin & Juice”:

Dre got some bitches from the city of Compton
To serve me, not with a cherry on top
'Cause when I bust my nut, I'm raisin' up off the cot

 

And Lil’ Wayne from “Love Me”:

 

With no makeup, she a ten…
She don't want money, she want the time we could spend…

Can't treat these hoes like ladies, man…

Yeah, all my bitches love me and I love all my bitches
But it's like soon as I cum, I come to my senses

 

There are hundreds of songs like these by Black men. They describe their anti-romantic intentions of using a woman who is emotionally invested. Once used like a cum dumpster, she is, as Jay Z says on Missy Elliot's "One Minute Man" remix, given “cab fare and directions” and told “get ya independent ass outta here, question?” That's where he also tells us he ain't "Ronnie Romance."

Hip-hop is a juggernaut cultural force. For over 40 years, it has admittedly helped to shape the way we dress and the words we use. Why would we assume it hasn’t also influenced our sexual partnerships, especially given its content?

Although ~70 percent of the audience for commercial rap is white, there is something about the racial and gendered identification with rappers as role models that might just be proving perilous for young Black men’s social perception, and their self-concept. I rarely meet an American Black man who disidentifies with popular rap and its messaging. Two years ago, I met a young queer-identifying Black man raised in the suburbs of Orange County who called himself pursuing me. He kept tryna convince me I should have more respect for DaBaby, who fatally-shot 19-year old Jaylin Craig in a Walmart, and slapped a female fan in the face at one of his concerts. If you can believe it, I ultimately had to stop talking to this man, over rap music.

 

* * *

 

So, to my students’ intuition that “fuckboy” equaled Black male, there is a cultural precedent. There is no evidence more Black men are actually fuckboys. But, there is evidence that the men promoting fuckboyism publicly and culturally are overwhelmingly Black and male.

Final thoughts: I can’t watch F*boy Island. Being a Black woman from Los Angeles, I feel like I’ve already lived it. But I thought it curious that the show features Black men so prominently. 

Especially since it is in part inspired by The Bachelor franchise, specifically Bachelor in Paradise. 

Notice the difference in racial composition. Unlike F*boy Island, The Bachelor, a show where the men selected are regularly on their best Lancelot, is overwhelmingly white. So white that in 2012, two Black men sued the show for racial discrimination.

Fuckboys can be of any race. Fuckfolx can be of any gender. But damn, don’t culturally influential Black men continue to deliver prime examples of fuckboy behavior?

Learn more about rap and fuckboyism in my latest book, The End of Love: Racism, Sexism, and the Death of Romance.